Well hello there friends,
Have you ever caught yourself thinking the most ridiculous things? You know, when you eventually stop and ask yourself, “was that actually a serious thought of mine? Really, what was I thinking???”
Today, I had one of those times. So there I was this Monday morning, frantically searching for something to wear for work (Mondays are the worst – you would assume by this point in my life that I would have it together enough to actually prepare what I am going to wear the evening before… sadly, not yet; in fact, as time goes on I’m just getting worse!). I finally settle on an outfit of a sweater and a skirt and get dressed. Then I look in the mirror and literally think to myself, “does this outfit go with my shaved head?”
Looking back on it now, I see very clearly how absolutely absurd that thought was! How on earth does someone match an outfit to their shaved head?? And, besides, who would want to??? Even more ridiculous, is that I actually stood there and pondered the question for a minute before accepting my clothing choice. It’s not like one of my work colleagues is going to take a look at me, stop and think to themselves, “uh-oh that skirt really doesn’t go with her hair…” And you know what? It wasn’t until I was driving to work, reflecting in the silence of my ‘thinking time,’ that I realized how silly it was of me to waste precious morning minutes focusing on such a trivial worry.
I’ve had other silly thoughts too. They include:
- should I wear small or large earrings with my shaved head?
- if I don’t wear earrings people might think I’m a dude
- if I have a shaved head then I’d better have my make up done really well
- maybe I should just wear my toque all day long…
- should I wear ultra-feminine clothes or ‘hard-looking’ clothes (I could barely write this one without giggling)?
- is there a certain ‘look’ I should try to go for to compliment the shaved head?
And silly behaviours too:
- I wore my toque for 3 days in a row when picking my son up from daycare, not because I felt overly cold, but because I didn’t want to have to explain my new ‘haircut’ to his teachers
- I check my face far more often for misplaced eyebrow hairs, blemishes, stuff in my teeth (I didn’t realize how much I was hiding behind my hair before! Even though it was short it somehow gave me an unconscious sense of security)
Writing these thoughts and actions down just solidifies how foolish they really are 🙂
Back to my ‘thinking time‘ today in the car, I contemplated the possible reasons why I am spending so much mental energy on such nonsensical ideas, and it came to me: my silly thoughts are driven by my emotional desire to fit in. Overall, we as humans feel included by keeping within general societal norms. So my left (logical) side of my brain understands that having a shaved head is no. big. deal. Yet, my right (emotional) side of my brain feels unsure and out-of-place. And then I thought to myself, “News flash right brain: I shaved my head. I don’t fit in with the norm right now. Get over it.” It would appear that my left brain is taking charge… 😉
When I started this idea of shaving my head, I had made some arrangements to attend a scarf-tying workshop. But now I realize that I don’t want to cover it up. I want to develop the confidence to just rock this shaved head.
My plan? To ‘fake it till I make it.’